did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
