Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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