You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
