so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
