Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
