garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
