There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Green mimosas i think yes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
