Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize