Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
