Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
