playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
