The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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