that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Someone signed my nipple.
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