Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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