just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
