I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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