I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
