it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
