i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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