Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
