Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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