you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
