so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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