Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
