So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
