apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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