I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
