hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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