just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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