To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
