oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize