i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
