i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
