my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
