Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
