I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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