Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I looked at my own cervix.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
