I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
