you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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