We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
