Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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