It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
