goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
