physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
