Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
