I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
