I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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