at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
