I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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