he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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