His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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