where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
