every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
