It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
