I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
