Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
