I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i've created a new STD.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
