you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
