I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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