girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
