I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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