I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
