I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize