Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
