Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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