He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
