i would punch a child for taco bell
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
