I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
