you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
