just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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