This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
