I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
