I just cut my nipple shaving
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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