so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
