love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Vodka?
Forever.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
