hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
