I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
