Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
