trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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