When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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