Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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