We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
