all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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