that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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