When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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