You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
