The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
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Do I have a choice?
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Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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