He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize