i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
what day is it and did you see me today?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize