Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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