I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
