Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
