Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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