oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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