i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
