Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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