I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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