Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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