I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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